Bailey’s Bone List

If you follow me on Twitter (or in real life), you may have heard me talk about adding an actor or actress to my “Bone List.” Yes, it’s exactly what you think it is. It’s a list of people that I would totally bone.

Every year, celebrities get thrown into lists that remind us of how homely and inconsequential we peasants are. For example, Gwyneth Paltrow was named this year’s “Most Beautiful Woman in the World” in People right after she launched a brand new cookbook and made a shit ton of money for Iron Man 3 (Coincidence?). Then, of course, there are lists like Maxim‘s Hot 100, where a bunch of women are naked or in teeny bikinis eating bananas and riding Harleys—you know, just in case your boyfriend didn’t have ridiculous standards of hotness already. But I don’t care about Goopy Paltrow or Cindy McBoobies (I know that’s not a real name). Because I have a list all my own that doesn’t remind me of how lame I am. Rather, it gets me hot and bothered, like a Spanish lover.

My “Bone List” is just plain fun. I started making the reference when I began seeing new movies on a regular basis. An actor or actress would come on the screen, and I’d be like, “You know what? I would bone them. I would bone them something fierce.” I guess you could say it’s similar to Wayne and Garth’s “SCHWING.” The thing that’s special about my list though is that it’s constantly changing, and it isn’t based solely on attractiveness (although that helps). I’m a classy woman, goddamnit, and I want to bone celebrities who are good actors and interesting people on top of being fine specimens of the human anatomy. Oh, and though I personally lean toward heterosexual tendencies, my list is unashamedly bisexual. Men? Women? It doesn’t matter. I’ll bone them all.

So I finally decided to put them in a concrete list. Here are the 20 actors/actresses currently on my “Bone List.”

20. Cate Blanchett

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19. Patrick Stewart

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18. Oded Fehr

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17. Scarlett Johansson

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16. Tilda Swinton

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15. Benedict Cumberbatch

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14. Colin Firth

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13. Lucy Liu

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12. Idris Elba

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11. Rachel Weisz

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10. Robert Pattinson

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9. Emilia Clarke

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8. Michelle Rodriguez

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7. Peter Dinklage

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6. Djimon Hounsou

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5. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

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4. Jennifer Lawrence

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3. Ian McKellen

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2. Eva Green

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1. Alexander Skarsgård

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Hmm, apparently, I’m digging the Brits right now. What do you think, kids? Would you bone the people in my list?

Keep checking back for newer versions of my “Bone List” to see who moves up or down or gets taken off completely. You never know who will tickle my fancy next…

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