Bailey’s Bone List: Hot and Weird Fictional Character Crushes

Do you ever watch a movie or a TV show and find that you’re strangely attracted to a fictional character that probably shouldn’t make you feel hot and bothered but does anyway? Oh, yeah. We’ve all been there.

I have this happen often, and it inspired me to make a “Bone List” specifically for my fictional character crushes. Most of these you’re likely to agree with because…hot damn. Others might make you say, “Really, Bailey? What is wrong with you?” That’s why I divided these crushes into Obvious Bones and WTF Bones. Enjoy!

OBVIOUS BONES

10. Mowgli (Jason Scott Lee) in The Jungle Book
He’s got a rockin’ bod, and he’s good with animals. He can throw me a bone any day.

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9. Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) in Jurassic Park
I would bone this “bad boy” of science periodically on the table.

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8. Shang in Mulan
He’ll make a man out of me. Or a woman. Whatever. I’d bone him.

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7. Louis (Brad Pitt) in Interview with the Vampire
A vampire with ridiculously good hair. Need I bone more?

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6. Lt. Uhura (Zoe Saldana) in Star Trek
To boldly bone where no bone has boned before.

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5. Young Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) in Star Wars: Episodes I-III
This is definitely the bone I’m looking for.

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4. Jessica Rabbit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Hubba hubba. This is one “bone”fied lady.

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3. Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) in Game of Thrones
I’d call him Khal Bono.

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2. Colonel Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz) in Inglourious Basterds
He can tell you how he’ll bone you in four languages. Also, he’ll kill you.

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1. Loki (Tom Hiddleston) in Marvel’s Avengers franchise
*bones*

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Okay, so those were the more obvious bones. And you’re probably like, “Yeah. That was relatively normal. I could handle those bones.” But now, it’s time to get weird with my WTF crushes.

WTF BONES

10. Beast in Beauty and The Beast
Don’t pretend like you didn’t want him to give you libraries and bone you.

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9. Dr. Loveless (Kenneth Branagh) in Wild Wild West
Evil moustache-bone, anyone?

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8. Abe Sapien (Doug Jones) in Hellboy series
Don’t ask. Just bone.

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7. Sandy Rivers (Alexis Denisof) in How I Met Your Mother
This just in. I would bone Sandy Rivers, bad tan and all.

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6. Uruk-Hai Leader in Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
No game of “find the halflings” in this bone.

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5. Bernard the Elf (David Krumholtz) in The Santa Clause
I would always bone on the naughty list.

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4. Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Tim Curry) in Rocky Horror Picture Show
I think everyone knows what I’m talking about with this bone.

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3. Simba in The Lion King
Bitch, please. Look at that boneworthy mane.

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2. Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) in the Harry Potter series
At least his nose won’t get in the way while boning.

RALPH-FIENNES-as-Lord-Voldemort-in-Warner-Bros.-Pictures-fantasy-Harry-Potter-and-the-Order-of-the-Phoenix.-Photo-courtesy-of-Warner-Bros.-Pictures.-TM-2007-Warner-Bros.-Entertainment-Inc.-All-rights-reserved-37-650x392

1. Jareth the Goblin King (David Bowie) from Labyrinth
Androgyny and tight pants. I think this bone just got me pregnant.

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What do you think, kids? Would you bone anyone in these lists?

Keep checking back for newer versions of my “Bone List” to see who moves up or down or gets taken off completely. You never know who will tickle my fancy next…

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