Sex Tape Is As Funny As It Is Sexy, Of Which It Is Neither

Jay (Jason Segel) and Annie (Cameron Diaz) have lost the spark in their marriage after having two kids. So when they finally get a night to themselves, they decide to have sex. Unfortunately, it doesn’t go well since they’re both out of shape when it comes to steamy romp sessions. After doing a few shots of tequila and coming up with a plan to create a sex tape, however, their sex life is instantly refreshed. That is, of course, until the video they recorded on Jay’s iPad syncs to every iPad he’s ever given as a gift.

Never before have I seen a movie that blatantly panders to an audience that it doesn’t understand. That audience? Well, given that Cameron Diaz’s character, Annie, is a mommy blogger trying to raise her kids and get back the spark with her husband, it’s obvious that the target audience is what’s often referred to as the “Minivan Majority.” Here’s the funny thing, though—not only do the jokes not fit the intended audience’s humor, but the script completely ignores the fact that Annie and Jay are supposed to be, well, PARENTS.

Not once do you see them parenting in this movie. Sure, they run around like chickens with their heads cut off as they get ready for work and take the kids to school (because we’ve never seen that in a movie about married life before). But…that’s about it. The kids are literally props for Diaz and Segel to push around and talk over.

No moments of realization between the parents that maybe sex isn’t as important as it once was because they’re raising children, which is a difficult yet rewarding experience (That would require good writing). No scenes to prove Jay and Annie aren’t incompetent parents (In fact, they’re pretty terrible parents considering they drag the kids along to the YouPorn warehouse in the middle of the night). But, I mean, whatever. They call themselves “mommy” and “daddy” enough and briefly discuss their children, so that makes them relatable to the target audience, right? (Hint: Nope, not at all.)

And that’s the whole problem with this movie. Sex Tape is based on a single punchline with no writing to back up any of its characters or premises. Also, don’t get me started on the “My iPad synced to the Cloud! How does the Cloud even work?” joke that never seems to end. We get it. You got a shit ton of money from Apple to make jokes that people made three years ago about Apple. How comedic of you!

The only funny parts of this movie were the scenes from the actual sex tape at the end of the film. They’re so awkward that you can’t help but laugh (like almost seeing Segel’s anus when he goes to do a headstand sex position). But, otherwise, we’re talking an hour and a half of Apple-related sex jokes with very little payoff.

Overall, Sex Tape is an unfunny, unsexy comedy that has more product placements for Apple than it has good jokes. Rather than offering hilarious yet poignant insights into how raising children both hurts and strengthens a married couple’s relationship (a story that much better movies, like Judd Apatow’s This is 40, have successfully captured), Sex Tape relies on the same marriage and sex jokes that have been beaten to death by comedians for the last five decades. Not even a naked Cameron Diaz makes this movie watchable.

Sex Tape: C-

For my radio review of Sex Tape on “Pat & JT in the Morning,” visit this link (starts around the 31:27 mark).

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