Despite a fun cold open, the 2017 Golden Globes was, well, a stinker. And the source of the stink? Jimmy Fallon. Last night officially made it clear that Fallon is only funny when he’s playing off of other people. When it’s just him by himself, yikes. His opening monologue was garbage, and his jokes between awards were garbage. He even had Questlove onstage with him, yet that didn’t help improve his bits or spark some energy in the show. Oh, and Jimmy, if you’re going to do Chris Rock impressions, please remember…
Here’s the La La Land-like cold open, which is worth a watch.
Now, let’s do a GIF recap of other moments from the show! To start, Julia Louis-Dreyfus took Questlove’s spot at one point. I love how she always gets a bit at the Globes, regardless of who’s hosting.
Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn presented together because they have a movie coming out soon. And because it’s the Globes, no one could tell if this was a bit or if they’re both smashed.
Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell presented Best Animated Film and shared stories about the first animated films they ever saw (Bambi and Fantasia, respectively), which then turned into hilariously painful sob stories about dead pets and departing fathers.
John Legend became a dad last year and lost his sense of rhythm.
Donald Glover and FX’s Atlanta scooped up the TV comedy awards after one season. I need to watch this show.
When Hugh Laurie won for The Night Manager, even he was like “Wait…really? Why?” Which was a trend at last night’s show.
Practically every white person from red carpet reporters to Michael Keaton kept merging two films with black casts, Fences and Hidden Figures, calling it Hidden Fences. I’ll let Viola handle this one.
And you can’t forget the awkward as all hell speech from Tom Hiddleston (who I love, but who definitely went down the ranks after this speech) about South Sudan and UNICEF that he brought up basically to compliment his show, The Night Manager. It was baaaaaaaaad. I’ll let Christian Slater handle this one.
Rather than talk about her amazing career during her Lifetime Achievement award speech, Meryl Streep gave a very poignant speech about the importance of the being kind, not inciting violence, and not letting bullies run your country push others around. Oh, and she quoted Carrie Fisher to end it all.
La La Land unsurprisingly won big. And Ryan Gosling beat out Ryan Reynolds (who I totally thought could be this year’s wild card).
And Emma Stone was awkwardly adorable as usual.
All right! Let’s compare my predictions with who actually won!
FILM WINNERS
Best Motion Picture – Drama = NAILED IT
- Hacksaw Ridge
- Hell or High Water
- Lion
- Manchester by the Sea
- Moonlight
Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy = NAILED IT
- 20th Century Women
- Deadpool
- Florence Foster Jenkins
- La La Land
- Sing Street
Best Actor – Motion Picture Drama = NAILED IT
- Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea
- Joel Edgerton, Loving
- Andrew Garfield, Hacksaw Ridge
- Viggo Mortensen, Captain Fantastic
- Denzel Washington, Fences
Best Actress – Motion Picture Drama = WELL, SHIT
- Amy Adams, Arrival
- Jessica Chastain, Miss Sloane
- Ruth Negga, Loving
- Natalie Portman, Jackie
- Isabelle Hubbert, Elle
Best Actor – Motion Picture Musical or Comedy = WELL, SHIT
- Colin Farrell, The Lobster
- Ryan Gosling, La La Land
- Hugh Grant, Florence Foster Jenkins
- Jonah Hill, War Dogs
- Ryan Reynolds, Deadpool
Best Actress – Motion Picture Musical or Comedy = NAILED IT
- Annette Bening, 20th Century Women
- Lily Collins, Rules Don’t Apply
- Hailee Steinfeld, The Edge of Seventeen
- Emma Stone, La La Land
- Meryl Streep, Florence Foster Jenkins
Best Supporting Actor = WELL, SHIT
- Mahershala Ali, Moonlight
- Jeff Bridges, Hell of High Water
- Simon Helberg, Florence Foster Jenkins
- Dev Patel, Lion
- Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Nocturnal Animals
Best Supporting Actress = NAILED IT
- Viola Davis, Fences
- Naomie Harris, Moonlight
- Nicole Kidman, Lion
- Octavia Spencer, Hidden Figures
- Michelle Williams, Manchester by the Sea
Best Director = NAILED IT
- Damien Chazelle, La La Land
- Tom Ford, Nocturnal Animals
- Mel Gibson, Hacksaw Ridge
- Barry Jenkins, Moonlight
- Kenneth Lonegran, Manchester by the Sea
Best Screenplay = WELL, SHIT
- Damien Chazelle, La La Land
- Tom Ford, Nocturnal Animals
- Barry Jenkins, Moonlight
- Kenneth Lonegran, Manchester by the Sea
- Taylor Sheridan, Hell or High Water
Best Original Score = NAILED IT
- Nicholas Britell, Moonlight
- Justin Hurwitz, La La Land
- Johann Johannsson, Arrival
- Dustin O’Halloran, Hauschka, Lion
- Hans Zimmer, Pharrell Williams, Benjamin Wallfisch, Hidden Figures
Best Original Song = NAILED IT
- “Can’t Stop the Feeling” – Trolls
- “City of Stars” – La La Land
- “Faith” – Sing
- “Gold” – Gold
- “How Far I’ll Go” – Moana
Best Animated Feature Film = NAILED IT
- Kubo and the Two Strings
- Moana
- My Life as a Zucchini
- Sing
- Zootopia
TV WINNERS
Best TV Series – Drama = NAILED IT
- The Crown
- Game of Thrones
- Stranger Things
- This Is Us
- Westworld
Best TV Series – Musical or Comedy = WELL, SHIT
- Atlanta
- Black-ish
- Mozart in the Jungle
- Transparent
- Veep
Best Actor – TV Series Drama = WELL, SHIT
- Rami Malek, Mr. Robot
- Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
- Matthew Rhys, The Americans
- Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
- Billy Bob Thornton, Goliath
Best Actress – TV Series Drama = NAILED IT
- Caitriona Balfe, Outlander
- Claire Foy, The Crown
- Keri Russell, The Americans
- Winona Ryder, Stranger Things
- Evan Rachel Wood, Westworld
Best Actor – TV Series Musical or Comedy = WELL, SHIT
- Anthony Anderson, Black-ish
- Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle
- Donald Glover, Atlanta
- Nick Nolte, Graves
- Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
Best Actress – TV Series Musical or Comedy = WELL, SHIT
- Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
- Sarah Jessica Parker, Divorce
- Issa Rae, Insecure
- Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
- Tracee Ellis Ross, Black-ish
Best TV Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for TV = NAILED IT
- American Crime
- The Dresser
- The Night Manager
- The Night Of
- The People vs. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story
Best Actor – TV Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for TV = WELL, SHIT
- Riz Ahmed, The Night Of
- Bryan Cranston, All the Way
- Tom Hiddleston, The Night Manager
- John Turturro, The Night Of
- Courtney B. Vance, The People vs. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story
Best Actress – TV Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for TV = NAILED IT
- Riley Keough, The Girlfriend Experience
- Sarah Paulson, The People vs. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story
- Charlotte Rampling, London Spy
- Kerry Washington, Confirmation
- Felicity Huffman, American Crime
Best Supporting Actor – TV Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for TV = WELL, SHIT
- Sterling K. Brown, The People vs. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story
- Hugh Laurie, The Night Manager
- John Lithgow, The Crown
- Christian Slater, Mr. Robot
- John Travolta, The People vs. OJ Simpson: American Crime Story
Best Supporting Actress – TV Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for TV = WELL, SHIT
- Olivia Colman, The Night Manager
- Lena Headey, Game of Thrones
- Chrissy Metz, This Is Us
- Mandy Moore, This Is Us
- Thandie Newton, Westworld
***
If you’re wondering how well I did by numbers: NAILED IT (13), WELL, SHIT (11). Not so hot, but I feel like the Globes were throwing everybody for a loop this year (Seriously, I love Tom Hiddleston, but that was Courtney B. Vance’s award. He knows it. Courtney knows it. The HFPA knows it.)