So that was the worst piece of crap I’ve ever seen. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration because I did sit through Dumb and Dumber To, which made me want to drink bleach, but at least that hot garbage wasn’t trying to kick off a “cinematic universe.” I’ll have more thoughts on that in a moment, but let’s talk about the plot of The Mummy first (I use “plot” loosely here). Continue reading “The Mummy: Well, That’s One Way to Kill a Cinematic Universe Before It Starts”
What a hilarious garbage movie. It’s so bad that it’s fun (or it had enough action distractions to make me feel like it was fun). It’s peak Tom Cruise…in the sense that Tom Cruise has gotten so far up his own ass that he can’t play any character besides the characters Tom Cruise has already played. You know, the tall, dark, handsome, tall (Yes, I said tall twice because Tommy wears lifts in his shoes) ass-kicker with the edgy name like Ethan Hunt or William Cage.
Continue reading “Jack Reacher: Never Go Back Should’ve Taken Its Own Title’s Advice”
After an alien race called “mimics” invades the European mainland, the world bands together, creating a military called United Defense Force (UDF). Major William Cage (Tom Cruise) has been at the head of UDF’s media relations for some time but is called to the front. When he refuses, Cage is labeled “deserter,” stripped of rank, and forced into an infantry squadron. While storming French beaches, Cage’s squad is slaughtered by the mimics, and Cage blows himself up in a fight with an alpha mimic. But after he dies, Cage awakens to the exact same day again. While trying to correct his mistakes with each new day, he encounters Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt), a UDF war hero known as the “Angel of Verdun,” who knows exactly what he’s going through because she had the same ability. Continue reading “Edge of Tomorrow: A Sci-Fi Movie That Feels Like a Video Game”
If you’re someone who just doesn’t get musicals, then this probably isn’t the movie for you. You can’t walk into a movie like this and be shocked when characters burst out into song and dance at any given moment, nor can you eyeroll at cheesy moments. That’s just how musicals work. And with this movie, it’s go big hair or go home. Continue reading “I Wanna Rock of Ages”