When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Bailey’s 25 Days of Christmas Movies

You know how ABC Family (Yeah, I still call it that because “Freeform” is a dumb name) does their “25 Days of Christmas” movie lineup? Well, it’s garbage, and you should not watch that. It’s like the same 12 movies played at different times of the day so you think you’re getting a new movie each time. So I say ditch that, and check out my holiday movie watchlist! That is, of course, unless you like watching The Santa Clause eight times in one week, in which case I hate everything you stand for, and you should take your holiday hoobie whatty elsewhere.
Continue reading “Bailey’s 25 Days of Christmas Movies”

War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)

Slackers Gotta Slack: Let’s Play Movie Catchup!

So I’ve been bad about writing reviews this month. Because summer and shit. You know how it goes. Eating too much barbecue, doing things outside, occasionally getting super depressed thinking about how the inevitable heat death of the universe is coming for us all. The usual stuff. And hey! I managed to tackle Spider-Man: Homecoming, so that’s an accomplishment. But I still have drafts sitting open for Baby DriverWar for the Planet of the Apes, and Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets that, let’s be honest, I’m not going to finish. So I figured, screw it, let’s just drop a quick review for each into a single post. That way, we can get caught up! Continue reading “Slackers Gotta Slack: Let’s Play Movie Catchup!”

Spider-Man: Homecoming 2017

Spider-Man: Homecoming Is Quirky Teen Comedy Meets Superhero Movie

You have to appreciate a movie with a double entendre in its title. If you’ve seen Spider-Man: Homecoming, you know that the title partly references the film’s climax, in which Peter Parker attends his high school’s homecoming dance. But there’s also some cheekiness behind the name when you know that this Spider-Man movie was the first collaborative effort between Sony (which holds the rights to Marvel’s Spider-Man properties) and Marvel Studios. Because after Sony made a hot mess of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (and got into a shit ton of debt), they made a deal with Kevin Feige (the man behind Marvel Studios’ MCU) and brought Spidey into the fold for a few films. So, in a sense, Homecoming is Spider-Man coming home…to Marvel. Continue reading “Spider-Man: Homecoming Is Quirky Teen Comedy Meets Superhero Movie”

Optimus Prime in Transformers: The Last Knight

Transformers: The Last Knight a.k.a WHAT THE F*** DID I JUST WATCH

After I saw Transformers: Age of Extinction, I didn’t think it was possible for Michael Bay to make a worse movie. Because it was bad. Painfully bad. So much so that I thought he’d straight-up drop this franchise into the ocean like Megatron and pretend it never existed. I was wrong. Continue reading “Transformers: The Last Knight a.k.a WHAT THE F*** DID I JUST WATCH”

Sofia Boutella as Ahmanet in The Mummy (2017)

The Mummy: Well, That’s One Way to Kill a Cinematic Universe Before It Starts

So that was the worst piece of crap I’ve ever seen. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration because I did sit through Dumb and Dumber To, which made me want to drink bleach, but at least that hot garbage wasn’t trying to kick off a “cinematic universe.” I’ll have more thoughts on that in a moment, but let’s talk about the plot of The Mummy first (I use “plot” loosely here). Continue reading “The Mummy: Well, That’s One Way to Kill a Cinematic Universe Before It Starts”

Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman Can Take All My Money

Oh, hey. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s this little flick out called Wonder Woman right now. Not a huge deal or whatever. Just a feature film directed by a woman about a female superhero who happens to be comic book and pop culture legend. I mean, it’s not like fans have been asking for this for years or anything. Or that it’s totally proving Hollywood wrong about how they think audiences don’t want to watch (let alone care about) women’s stories. Or that it’s stomping the circle-jerk among production companies that say women directors just can’t helm a big budget blockbuster. Nah, this is definitely nothing to celebrate. Continue reading “Wonder Woman Can Take All My Money”

Javier Bardem in Pirates of the Caribbean 5

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: Can This Franchise Die Now?

Back when Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl came out, it was kind of crazy how much fun a movie based on a cheesy theme park ride at Disney World was. And while we can debate the merits of Dead Man’s Chest and At World’s End, they created a decent action-adventure trilogy. Then came On Stranger Tides, a bloated garbage fire of a movie sans two of Pirates‘ three main stars and all of the magic of the first three films. If it weren’t for foreign box offices, Disney wouldn’t have broken even on that crap. Which made the idea of Dead Men Tell No Tales, the fifth installment, seem like a not-so-great idea. But, of course, money. Having seen Dead Men Tell No Tales, I can say confidently that Pirates needs to go away for good. Continue reading “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: Can This Franchise Die Now?”